TheAlchemist MJ

Forgiveness is often defined as a decision to release anger, resentment, and the need for retribution toward someone who has caused harm. But what happens when the one you need to forgive is yourself? And why is it so much harder to forgive ourselves?

More importantly, why is it essential that we forgive ourselves?

The Initial Step

Self-forgiveness marks the beginning of self-awareness, signifying maturity, accountability, and a desire to evolve and grow. Everything we feel, love, anger, shame, or grief, originates within us. Just as we offer grace to those who hurt us, we must also offer that same grace multiplied towards ourselves. 

Self-criticism, overanalyzing flaws, and feeding guilt caused by past mistakes does nothing but harm us and our overall health. Understand that forgiving is not forgetting but simply letting go of the events and the people holding power over you and your happiness.

In a podcast, Dr. Thema Bryant stated, “Those who have hurt me are no longer the author of my life. I hold the pen now.” This powerful statement shows how important it is to not only take back control of our lives but to live them right. We will live right when we let go of negative emotions and replace them with curiosity, love, and kindness towards life.

Lessons in Every Mistake

Mistakes are teachers. They reveal patterns, awaken self-compassion, and offer insights.
Ask yourself:

• Why did I make that decision?
• What need was I trying to address?
• What is this experience here to teach me?

How to Forgive Yourself

Self-forgiveness is a process which requires both courage and self-compassion. To start:

• Accept Responsibility
  • Acknowledge the mistake without denial because it only delays healing.
• Feel the Guilt Without Dwelling
  • Allow the emotions to rise as they are natural parts of us, but do not stay in that state for too long.
• Amend Your Mistakes
  • When possible, apologize to those you’ve harmed, but also forgive yourself for self-abandonment, self-criticism, and any unkindness you have allowed within.
• Reflect on The Lesson
  • What did this teach me about myself? What strengths or boundaries were born from this?
• Choose Growth
  • Focus on the lessons and who you are becoming with the knowledge you have gained from this mistake.

Final Thoughts 

Self-forgiveness is one of the highest acts of self-love. It does not mean you are excusing what happened, but knowing that you trust yourself to evolve beyond those mistakes. Give yourself permission to be human: flawed, yet still worthy of kindness. Forgive yourself because you deserve the peace, clarity, and growth. 

What would self-forgiveness look like in action today?